Know Who You're Seeing
Ascertain the kind of man you’re dealing with as soon as possible. This needs to be done tactfully. Ask questions to “authenticate him” and to find out who he is. A man should be willing to tell you what he does for a living and who he works for. If he says he’s “in business for himself”, ask what the name of his company is and ask what they do. (Women may wish to be more circumspect about where they work until they feel good about a guy which might take fifteen minutes or two or three dates. You probably do not want the guy showing up unannounced at work.) Ask where he lives.
If you feel a man is being very coy, I wouldn’t see him again. Most men have little to fear from women and should be open with you. Not being open may signal that he doesn’t do what he says, doesn’t want to tell you where he works or lives or is a man who doesn’t want to be identified. Having a man tell you “I work on Wall Street” doesn’t tell you very much. He may also be married, masquerading as single. Learn enough about a guy so that he could be “checkable”, even if you do not do it. Of course, if you know somebody who works at his company or lives in his area, tactfully ask about him, or have someone else help. You might get a good report, which can be encouraging, or you might learn something that will cause you to cross him off the list. “Men of mystery” may sound fine in movies and in books, but in the real world, know who you are dealing with as best as you can.
Personal Safety
If you exercise caution and prudence about who you go out with, and the situations you are in, most of the time the men you date will be gentlemen and personal safety will not be a dating issue. If you feel that a man's behavior is improper, say so. If he tries anything that is not welcome, be very firm in saying no. If he persists, tell him that "No means no. I expect to be treated like a lady." Never go anywhere isolated with someone you do not know well.
Watch your drink if you need to leave the bar or table. Some men have been known to slip drugs into them. If there is only a little of your drink left, finish it before you get up. Be careful how much you drink. It can affect how you act and respond.
Hopefully, you will never have to resort to the use of personal protection devices on a date, or any other time, but it is something you should consider. One safety device all women should have is a cell phone. Leave the phone on when you are out. Many of them are already programmed, or can be programmed, that when you push and hold on the "9", or other programmed key, it will automatically dial "911". Other personal protection products include pepper sprays and high decibel alarms. The products are available from many sources,including the link shown below. Check with a police officer or attorney in your community to ascertain what the law is with respect to the use of personal protection devices. It is against the law to take pepper sprays on an aircraft. Any products designed to further ensure your safety are ones you should take the time to consider.
There is also a digital pedometer/alarm which measures distance and calories burned which has a pull cord which when activated produces a loud panic alarm. Stay fit and safer at the same time. This product was mentioned in "Health Magazine" for women. It struck me as a very sensible, and additionally useful, safety device.
There are also a number of personal safety videos for women, self defense courses and other manners of protection you may wish to consider.
Always wear your seat belt and lock your car doors. Both will offer you greater protection in an accident. I was hit by a hit and run driver. My car was totalled when I lost control and went into a concrete median. If I hadn't had my seat belt on, I would not be writing this now. Be safety conscious.
I mention this as a matter of general safety, not specifically relating to dating. While there is no perfect advice on this point, a video developed by a former City of Chicago police officer recommended that if you ever are threatened by someone with a weapon ordering you to come with him, it is better to make your stand right there at "Location #1". Run and scream "Fire!", not "Help!" which people are more likely to ignore. If you are grabbed, use pepper spray, a personal alarm, gouge eyes, scream "Fire", bite, kick or do whatever you have to do. It is no time to be "a lady". The location an assailant would take a victim to, "Location #2", is only going to be more isolated and therefore more dangerous. I've mentioned these things not to unduly alarm you, but so you will think safety, be forewarned and better prepared.
Never walk in dark areas or stay in buildings where you are alone. Being "street smart" involves staying out of harm's way.
Always make sure that there is at least one person who knows that you are going on a date and when and where you are supposed to meet and what time you expect to be back. If you feel it is a situation where you don't want anyone else to know, write information out and leave it in your home or apartment in plain enough view for someone who might later need to look for it. If you are going out and a guy is picking you up in his car initially, or takes you out in it later in the evening, when you go to the lady's room or are someplace private, leave the car's license number, where you are and your date's name on an answering device at home or at work. You should always have your own cell phone with you, and again never go anyplace lonely with anyone you don't know well. As an additional precaution, if you know anyone in law enforcement, show them what I have written and ask for their advice about anything else that they, in their professional experience, feel that you should do to protect yourself.
